The first significant lesson I remember learning about fear was when I was in secondary school – SSS3. I had just met a lady I liked for the first time and I wanted to ask her out.
She was in SSS3E while I was in SSS3F. I had this feeling for her but I was too scared to tell her. This was my first time liking a lady that much. The feeling went on for weeks and even up to a month but I kept it all to myself because I was scared.
Then one fateful day after school hours (I believed God orchestrated this to teach me a lesson), our path crossed and she asked after a classmate of mine, while answering her, I used the opportunity to tell “I liked her and would love us to be close friends”.
I could still remember how I felt saying it. It was like I was going to die and that the ground should just swallow me. All of this was because I was not sure what her response would be.
To cut the story short, she smiled in response that she had always admired me from afar as well and you know, the rest is story…
Reflecting on that experience, I realise a lot of the time that fear is self-created.
Fear is not really our problem. There is actually a root cause of fear.
Most times what stops us from doing what we really want to do is not a fear of failure, but actually “what people will think if we fail”. According to Brene Brown’s lesson, this is a feeling of SHAME.
I learnt this much better in 2020. That was when I finally got rid of fear.
What happened to me in 2020?
If you have followed me for a while, you would observed that I started my podcast in 2020 and also published an e-book that same year.
But do you know I had wanted to do all of those things a year earlier?
As a matter of fact, In 2019, I had watched over 20 videos and read many e-books about starting a podcast and I even went as far as buying some tools with the plans to finally start podcasting in 2019.
Alas, I did nothing until 2020 because of the same reason you may have for not doing what you really want to do – FEAR.
I got rid of fear when I had a session with myself after reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I asked myself, what am I really scared of? I made a list of all my fears and realised I wasn’t afraid.
From the lessons from Brene Brown’s books, I realised that it is not really that people are afraid of failure. What is happening to us is a thought of “what will people think if we fail”. We use FEAR as an excuse for not trying so we can avoid BLAME, SHAME, JUDGEMENT and CRITICISM.
We don’t take actions that are important to us in reaching our goals because we don’t want to disappoint anyone, we don’t want to be criticised, we don’t want our contents and voice to be judged poorly, we want to be perfect at the start.
All of your fears are created in your head. You are simply avoiding SHAME; you are not really afraid.
The way to get rid of fear is simple: Stop addressing FEAR and address SHAME. We all experience the feeling of shame but shame happens when you don’t see yourself as “ENOUGH”.
You think you need to do something “worthy” to be worthy of love and celebration. But you don’t know that worthiness does not have prerequisites.
You are worthy and you are enough, simple!
To get rid of fear, you have to stop trying to be perfect. Perfectionist mindset places focus on “what people will think” instead of focusing on improvement and improvement begins with embracing who you are, embracing your voice as it is, embracing your strength and your weakness yet putting yourself out there to be seen and to be a blessing.
I didn’t start my podcast in 2019 because I wasn’t comfortable with my voice. I felt I needed more experience in my industry to start sharing my thoughts. But those are excuses! I had a lot of them. I know you have a lot of them too.
You are not creating what is important to you because you think “You are not Enough”.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Tell yourself “I am enough” everyday!
Whether you want to start a podcast, a blog, a community, a company, a conference, etc., If there is something you genuinely want to do, there is someone out there who genuinely needs it.
Show up and bless them!
Leadership is about serving others. So, feel the fear and serve others!
When you stop focusing on yourself, your fears will be a tool for your work. Fear stops you when the focus is on you. Fear motivates you when the focus is on blessing others.
Serving others is being SHAMELESS. It’s not about being perfect. You are just a SHAMELESS & SELFLESS HUMAN.
Repeat after me: I am SHAMELESS. This year, I am brave with my life. I am in the arena. I will show up and bless others!
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