Dear Leader,
I trust this meets you in pursuit of leadership.
During the 2020 COVID Pandemic, I struggled emotionally. I was on a job I didn’t like and was causing me mental stress while at the same time trying to cope with the lockdown situation across the country that came with uncertainties. I know you can relate a bit because we were all faced with uncertainties during this period. Many people engaged in dysfunctional behavior and interaction and many leaders wanted to opt out of the situation because they were burnt out.
In 2023 also, I was heavily involved in the general elections – campaigned, mobilised, shouted, voted for and against certain candidates and parties. I was emotionally involved and drained when some of my candidates didn’t emerge winner from the election. It was the same way I felt many years ago when my close friend lost during the SUG elections on campus. I felt drained and emotionally disengaged thereafter.
If you’ve been a leader in any form and for any length, you will agree with me that leading people today is difficult and leadership demands a lot from you.
When I came out of the 2020 crisis and after the elections, one of the things I did recently was to ensure I didn’t allow the crisis periods in my life to go to waste. I deliberately reflected and took loads of lessons.
Life is full of crisis moments and as leaders we cannot disengage from the challenges of life and leadership.
As leaders, people rely on us to help them and improve their situations. As leaders, we must weather the storms, make hard decisions and lead people to a better place. If we must play this high pressure leadership role, we need to develop a high level of emotional capacity because you cannot save other people if you are drowning.
When I talk about emotional capacity, I am talking about our ability to respond adequately to adversity, failure, criticism and pressure – most importantly responding in positive ways.
Leaders with high emotional capacity are able to stand up under the pressure of internal and external conflict, adverse situations, rejections and resistance, including difficult people. They demonstrate resilience and emotional strength in difficult times. They lead themselves well and manage their emotions so that they can lead others well.
So, how do we increase our emotional capacity? Here are a few ways I have learnt to improve on my own emotional capacity:
- I stop seeing myself as the victim: If I campaigned for you, I am emotionally attached, because I must have given it enough time to do my background checks and trust your ability to deliver. I give everything. This was what happened in the last elections, I thought everyone would make a rational choice of vote like me. I was emotionally drained such that when my candidate didn’t win, I assumed people were irrational and I started to see myself as a failure. I was bitter about people’s choices.
You undermine your emotional capacity when you feel sorry for yourself. It is disempowering.
If you believe the world owes you something, you put yourself at a great disadvantage. A victim is a person who suffers loss because of the action of others. They have little choice than to whine and wait until something good happens – like most people do on X (formerly Twitter).
No one can be a victim and lead effectively at the same time. Stop seeing yourself as a victim. Take ownership for your life first and for your choices and consequences. Focus your life on opportunities and not your problems or obstacles. Forgive yourself easily and pursue your vision. - Identify your emotional triggers: I would have said you should learn to control your emotions but that can be quite difficult at certain times. It is easier to identify the things that stir up negative emotions that overwhelms you.
For me, it was X (formerly Twitter) especially during the election period. Reading people’s tweets had a bad effect on me. I identified it and deleted the app and stayed away from social media for a very long time until I gained emotional sanity.
In emotional situations, people get stuck in an unproductive state because their brains are no longer thinking logically and clearly enough to know where to go.
You need time to reflect over situations but you can’t do that if your mind is stuck and overwhelmed as a leader. Find out what triggers negative emotions within and around you and eliminate it quickly. - Put people’s opinion in perspective: One of the things that limit people is that they believe other people’s opinions about them are more important than their own.
He who has no opinion of his own but depends on the opinion of others is a slave.
You only have a certain level of energy and to lead effectively you can’t carry a grudge because of people’s opinion. You can’t move about in negative energy.
When you don’t put people’s opinion in perspective, you end up spending your energy in the wrong direction. If some criticises you for example or expresses negative opinions about you, if you are wrong, then work on yourself, if the negative comments are wrong, then don’t take them to heart. - Don’t dwell on what you cannot control: In 2023, I couldn’t fathom people’s voting decision. If you want to reduce your stress, keep yourself from being caught up in issues outside your control.
You should understand that there is a difference between problems and facts of life.
Problems are solvable – you can do something about it BUT the fact of life cannot be changed. So giving time and energy to the facts of life is wasting energy.
That’s what some people worry about – things they cannot do anything about. - Take care of yourself: That’s one of the best things you can do to increase your emotional capacity.
Selfcare is not selfish. It is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have. Others need us to be alive. So for the sake of the people we lead, we must take care of ourselves.
A well rested and recharged leader is more capable of leading when pressure comes and when demands of leadership are high.
Sleep well, acknowledge Gods’ help, spend time with family and people you love and who motivate you, have lunch or time out with close friends, run, swim, eat fruits and drink a lot of water, read, think, journal, be grateful.
You need your heart to be sane and strong to lead effectively.
This week, commit to building your emotional capacity.
I’m rooting for you,
The Great Owete
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